My kidz.:)

Everyone seems to get to post pictures of their extreemly adorable children on their blogs. I only seem to get to post pictures of my many vict.....dates or my friends and I having a bunch of crazy fun. Yeah I know, it's fun to see, but I kinda feel left out of the whole kid thing (not that I want one please don't send me any) I mean I do want one, just already potty trained and old enough to live in another state. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, or I wouldn't teach, but I do happen to enjoy the fact that I put them on a bus and send them away after 6 hours. It's nice. Anyway so i took pictures of my Kidz to share. Enjoy or be repulsed which ever.:)

This is Bella she is about 7 years old. She is in the second grade and enjoys burring herself in the sand, eating crickets and baby mice and pooping in human's hands.

This is Sydney he is bella's clutch mate so he is her brother. He is the same age and same grade, He enjoys playing dead to freek me out, eating salad and wax worms, posing infront of a mirrior and puffing up, bobbing his head and sitting on your sholder. He also loves to bask in his heat lamp and sleep in odd positions.
Sydney about to enjoy his dinner of baby mouse. yes it's alive. It's free discovery channel.

S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y NIGHT!

Decided on a girls night out with my co-workers. Saturday at the MoJo lounge. I had never been there although have heard a lot about it. It's actuually local. I tend to stay away from local hot spots, the chances of running into an ex that I ticked off, stole something from and or threw something at are far greater the closer I stay to the house. However I took the chance and didn't regret it. Karen actually came out cuz she was Ashley free this weekend, so that was fun. I picked her up and we met our co-workers who were already at the bar. They had a live band and the lead singer looked like jerry garcia and his band members looked like they were from zz top, so that was interesting. I gotta be honest, I think I'm getting old cuz I really just wanted them to turn the music down a bit. We couldn't even talk it was so loud. But People were dancing and it was a good band, they played old green day so that was a plus. The crowd was older and so pickins were pretty slim for men, but I wasn't man hunting for a change. All my friends are hot, I have blogged about this before, but it's still a source of annoyance to me sometimes. I don't need to be center of attention but a girl likes to be asked to dance once in a while, even if I turn them down cuz I can't dance. All the girls got asked to dance but me. Even the married girls. LOL. I wasn't exactly crushed, but I wasn't thrilled. I liked seeing Karen actually get to dance so that was fun. I was pretty bummed when all the girls ended up getting roses from guys and guys asking for their numbers and I left empty handed. I felt like an ugly duckling to be truthful. When the bar closed and we were walking to my car, cuz I had a few girls to drive home Karen was walking behind me cracking up and pointing to my butt. I freeked out thinking I sat in something, but Karen said "I know why you didnt get asked to dance now." and I looked behind me and saw that my folding blade had come unfolded and worked it's way through my back pocket slicing a hole big enough to show my knife through so in essance I had a five inch blade jutting out of my hind quarters. Karen also added that since I put my key chain in my back pocket that it dangled out as well and my mace was clearly in sight as was the key chain lanyard that said bad boys jail bonds. Apparently all my concealed wepons wernt so consealed. I was a walking time bomb waiting to shank and mace the first man to try to talk to me. I thought it was odd that when we entered the bar that the bouncer asked for my i.d. when the door guy had already checked it. I always use my millitary i.d. because if I loose it I can still drive so I don't care but I can't loose my d.l. The bouncer checked my millitary i.d. and said "well that explains why your armed." and ushered me in. when he said I was armed I figured he was refering to my tattoos or even the fact that Karen and angela were with me like an army or something. I had no idea that I was walking around with my arsonal of wepons on display. I might as well have hung a live gernade from my necklace. Nice.

So after I drove a few of the girls home, Karen and Angela and I decided we needed to eat at WHERE? say it with me DENNYS! The best part about having hot friend is you get seated right away. We ended up in a booth behind a couple who was having one heck of a fight. Man the things theese people were saying was awful. It sounded like they were breaking up and totally going to duke it out. Angela and I were ear hustling (ear hustling: ease dropping on a conversation that is clearly headed for jerry springer perportions.) just when the fight was about to turn super bad the girl stood up and since she was behind me I couldn't tell what she was doing and I didn't wanna look back and have to admit that I was aprivy to her public break up. I wanted to save her he embarrasment of eye contact so I stared streightforward at Karen who began to beg me not to hurt anyone ot stab anyone or mace anyone and to keep my cool. Apparently this chick looked prettd peevey and she was staring right at me and Karen didn't want me to mace her cuz she was lookin for a fight. Then this girl squeels and says Alison?! and I look at her and it was my bestfriend from seventh grade Julie Conklin. Julie Conklin and the biggest fakest pair of hooters I had ever seen in my life! Her knockers were falling out of her flimsy tank top. She was asking a lot of that tiny tank top, it was begging to snap so it could end its painful and stressful exsistance. My jaw dropped and I relly tried to look her in the eye, but I was scared to take my eyes off her chest incase a rouge boob was to pop out and blacken my eyes! I looked at Karen who was concealing a smile behind a paper napkin. Angela had more class, she turned her head away at the potential desplay of man made mameries. But she was holding her laughter so hard she was silently crying. Now Lets be honest here, I do NOT suffer from boob envy. I never have. I have been saddled with a heafty set of my own. granted they arnt in the place they should be anymore, but I have never relly thought about them much cuz they are more of a burden unless I'm in my man catching gear, then they are mearly bait. Julie of corse decided that insted of leaving her boyfriend crying at Dennys we were gonna catch up. I hadn't seen her in 2 years and that must have been about 8 cup sizes before her augmentation. She apologized for fighing so publicly with her man and then introduced him as the love of her life and then flashed a huge engagement ring at us. "wow" I say. It's 4 a.m. and I am just pooped and thats all I can say is wow. I know I'm shakespere. Anyway she says that she's marrying him cuz he bought her boobs. I nod my head and say "thats a good deal." we talked some more and then they left the boyfriend left too. The rest of out late night dinner was made so much better because we ran into Julie........and her giant plastic cleavage. I wonder how she fits behind a steering wheel was the last words spoken by Karen as I dropped her off. yeah I wonder.

a few weeks in review.......

Okay a week ago saturday I woke up from this really cool dream. I drempt that there was a man delivery place, Like how you can order a pizza and then it shows up in thirty mins. I drempt I called and ordered a cute guy to go out with and this odd noise woke me up and I pulled back my curtins a bit to see what was out side and this is what I saw:

I just assumed I was still dreaming cuz it pretty much looked like a man delivery system to me...However it ended up being p g and e repairing the power outage I didn't even know we had. I was quite let down to find out that it was just a repair guy, and he wasn't cute at all, and I had to re-set all my clocks. what a drag. So i went down stairs to make coffee. Then I hear some meowing. I look in the back yard and there is no kittahs to be found. This meowing is getting louder and more persistant and I go out into the back yard, not a single fur ball in sight. I follow the sound to my front door, and it's super loud there, so I open the door to find this:

And two proud Kittahs licking their paws waiting for my approval. They were nice enough to place the carcus of the blue jay infront of my door but not upon my welcome mat, which I thought was quite considerate. Now as gothy and creepy as I am...and lets face it I'm pretty odd I know that, i wear mostly black, my nails are usually black, I listen to dark creepy music and my movie collection has more tim burton then most normal people would own, but I do draw the line on roadkill gifts from my feline pals. I have never had such a "gift" givin to me before. I never really had cats, cuz I don't like em, but here I am in the awkward position of opening a thoughtful gift and being totally grossed out. Kinda like when you get the fruit cake at x-mas type deal. I don't wanna seem ungreatful and I don't wanna hurt the kittah's feelings, but Blue jay isn't quite the other white meat. I did my part, I said nice things like wow, what a great job you mighty hunters! And Yummy! lice infested wild life my favorite! I even patted them on their little murderus heads and gave em a cookie then I went inside and left the dead bird for the creepy kittahs to fight over. And I quoth the blue jay.....Never more. *dry heave*

Later that day after I shook off the bird murder, I went out with The usual suspects. Rigo was d.j ing at the Ruby room again so we all piled in my car. I needed to be cheered up, I was a little down about the whole Nate thing still, the dead bird didn't help so we decided we needed a night out. Not too much happened. My Stalker showed up, thats always fun considering I actually find my stalker charming and quite friendly, just a little obsessive and bi polor at times.

My stalker Shawn and I at ruby room. He's a nice enough guy but givin my cougar status as well as how it never works out, I'm not willing to give this 23 year old a chance. He calls me and texts me 50 times a day and it's annoying.

Karen decided that Ashley needed a 1/2 birthday party...oh yes I'm serious. See I kind of understand the concept. Ashley's birthday is in September as is mine, so I understand that in essence it's a crappy month to have your b-day in simply because you just started school and don't know enough kids yet to invite to your party. You just know who you knew from the year before, and some kids moved away during the summer, or they arn't placed in your class so you drift apart. Or you have had all summer off and haven't seen them in a few months and re-connecting is hard. so karen figured that March would be a good month to try to have ashley's party in since the party in september we had for her was a bust. Only one kid showed up to the september party and he didn't count cuz it was her cuzin and had to be there and he was a boy....and has cooties...according to ashley and me quite frankly her cuzin is seriously not fun at all. So this party was much better, she knew a ton of kids from church and school and Karen rented a ballroom in a former bar (now it's run by a.a. members and only serves ice cream and sodas) and she had a great time. Lots of kids came and it's was nice to see her happy insted of upset that no one came to her party:

Ashley in the pink and her friend/enemy Alexis in the white. They are so much alike they can't stand eachother, but no one wants to play with them cuz they are both rotten together.

Tonight I went to see a movie with my friends Kat and manual. we saw a haunting in conn. It was okay. the virsion on the discovery channel was better. Plus the popcorn gave me bubble guts so my tummy hurt. I haven't dated much since Nate, I haven't felt like it. The algerian guys is calling me again and wanting to go out, but our sceduals never seem to work out. I have been talking to another guy, but he lives in V.a. and does have plans to move here, but I'm not holding my breath. So far he's an awsome friend and thats fine with me. I'm feeling the need for a man vacation this week. Just to catch up on my netflix and hang out with pals insted of guys. Spring break is comming up and I wanna plan a trip with Karen to monterey. Disneyland is too expensive for us. LOL

I'll admit it, I'm lazy

Okay so, I have pics to post and a few stories to tell, but I'll admit it, I have been lazy. Work has been kinda crazy and I'm pretty tired. Although I'm finding it hard to fall asleep cuz I'm so high strung lately, so in essance when I get home, I'm pooped. I'll get it together soon I hope and have something amusing for you guys I'm sure. till then, I'll try to remember all the good stuff and blog about it. Love ya!

Nate update

So I got a text last night from Nate. He said he is seeing another girl and he's sorry. wow, that was even more fleating than the last time he cut out. Ehhh, so now I can cross him off the list and bump another guy up. or I can re-place him and keep my stedy number of sweeties at 7. I did wanna thin out the pack. But I like having options. I wont lie though, I did shead a tear, I did like him a lot and his family. I was hoping that maybe we could actually have a relationship and I can dump the rest of the guys. But I can't force him to like me so I gotta move on. Plus I know I'm kinda mean so maybe this chick is nice. LOL

adventures of my hair and Nate update

So Saturday I had a hair appointment in Livermore, it's quite a drive from Hayward, but I take back roads and drive through a canyon, so it's pleasent enough. I have been going to the same guy for a looon time, almost 10 years. I adore Mark. he is expensive, but he custom blends my color and lets just say that he is a wizard when it comes to my unruly mane. He is British and a hair dresser and sadly not gay, which is normaly one of my pre-requists for a male hair dresser, but the accent fools me enough. My appointment was at 2:45, it takes hours and hous to do my hair. I mean honestly it's an all day affair. I showed up early though just cuz I had nothing better to do and he took me early so that was cool. It starts with the usual pleasentries like Hello darling, how is your mantrauge (marks name for the collection of men I have) then we go through a slide show on my cell phone of pictures of various thugs, nerds,rockstars,millitary guys,dorks and the occasional stud puppies I have collected since my last visit. I don't go often cuz It runs me a cool$200.00 pluse the price of what ever product I need to keep my hair from forming a white girl afro where ever there is the slightest hint of moisture in the atmosphere. That is about 20 mins alone to catch up. Then he dissapeears for another 20 mins to mix my hair color, Now I have never seen him actually mix it, I have just seen the formula he has printed out on his sheet of paper, it looks highly complacated and flamable to me. I always imagine him in the back room, behind the closed door infront of a huge cauldren as it bubbles, stiring in various colors and herbs as well as bat wings and bunny ears or something. I have to admit it's a wicked cool color, almost black, but purple in the sun and when it begins to fade turns an aubrun with streeks of red weaved in. This man is the yoda of hair color. You have to actually make your appointments in advance for a year to get him. It's not even a posh place, he is just known for his coloring. This is why he is expensive and why I can only afford to go twice a year, and boy was I due...I'm gettin grey. mark re-emerges with a vat of what looks like crayola red pudding, and all th eold bittys in the shop freek out when he strat slopping it onto my hair. I think he enjoys that. After he gets my hair covered in the goop, he hits my widows peek and temples again, thats where I get grey. then hands me a magizine and orders me not to move. thats when I read about the entertainment wold. I never keep up on that stuff, cuz I don't care that much. But I finally figured out that mily ray cirus and hanna montana are the same person! Who knew? anyway I sit there for a while and then the timer gos off, and he makes me go to the sink where he washes my hair out and gives me a scalp masage that always makes me perpose to him, even though he's married. Then he trims my hair, chastising me for my horrid split ends, then it takes an hour to put all the products in my hair and blow dry it. then he straigh irons it for another hour taking the smallest sections of hair. then when he's done I can actually get my fingers through it and it smells purty. and I feel purty, I also have a purple forehead from the dye, but whatever. My hair is bouncy and I know I can never re-create his magic on my own so I do my best to keep it nice for a few days before I have to wash it. But after all this is done I want to go out. I feel pretty I smell nice, I have to re-do my make -up but thats done with ease. So I text Nate and ask him if he want's to hang out. he says yes, but it has to be after 10:00 p.m. hummm...okay a late dinner maybe. So i pick him up at 10:00 waiting for him to notice my hair, but it's dark and lets face it, he's a dude. So we go to Denny's cuz well thats the only thing open. He eats cheese cake. LOL I adore a man who eats desert, and I am having my porky goodness sandwhich and I ate it guilt free. It was fun. I had net flix at my house so we came back to my place to watch the locker (a japanese horror flick) we had fun cuddling on the couch and sneeking kisses, like old times. I missed him a lot. I asked him what time he had to be at work cuz I knew he worked nights and it was getting late and he told me he had gotten laid off. I felt so bad. everyone is getting laid off and the whole reason he was seeing me again was cuz he felt worthy cuz he had a job now. Crud. Poor guy. he asked to watch another movie, I told him it was late and I was tired so I was gonna take a shower and get in my jammies and we can pull a movie marathon to cheer him up. By the time I came downstairs he was fast asleep on my couch cozied up in my pirates blanket. he looked so flippin' cute. I snapped a pic with my cell phone and went to upstairs to bed.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. lol the next morning I made him breakfast and took him home. He says next week we should go for icecream. I'm so down for ice cream!

The past re-serfaces......and a bread beating.

So I haven't heard for David (the algerian) for about 3 weeks are so. I figured he lost interest so I might as well move on, plenty of other guys to chase, capture and then release. So Friday I get a text message from a number I don't know. It says whatcha doing right now? Of course since I don't know the number and I don't know who it is I answer: depends who are you? Turns out it was Nate...(yummmy) So i told him I was just getting off work and he calls me. He wants to go have coffee. It seems harmless enough, yeah I still have underlying feelings for the guy who got away (before I was through) and his silky voice can pretty much ask me for the world and I would bust my butt to give it to him, and those blue eyes (which oddly enough I never liked blue eyes) can melt my heart and give me butterflys (a.k.a bubble guts) in my tummy. and I have never stopped thinking about him or wishing we had more time together. So aginst my better judgement.....no wait scratch that, I totally agreed to go to coffee with him with out a second thought. In fact I couldn't have been more excited to have coffee with him. The thought of getting to spend an afternoon sitting out side in the warm spring air across from the hottest chunk of man sounded like sheer perfection to me. Another chace to hear his voice, smell his after shave, see his handsome face and possibly taste his....oh wait Hi Boo. I mean taste coffee. I picked him up from his house and his dad came out to talk to me a bit. Just catching up and saying he missed having me over for sunday dinners. (me too dude, food at other people's houses always taste good) Nate came out of the house, and apparently had taken a shower cuz he was still putting his shirt on when he got to my car. I could still see the beads of water running down his huge chest and strong arms. (freekin tourture!) I had to act strong, like the sight of him didn't affect me in the least, I was loosing the battel within and it showed on my face. Nate had the biggest grin I had ever seen him have. He was playing dirty, he was wearing the aftershave that I had givin him because it smelled so good when it mingled with his natural sent, the smell drives me insane. He was playing verrrry dirty. This was going to be war and I knew it. what kind of crap was he gonna pull on me today? He leand twards me to give me a kiss on the lips, and I turned my head in time so he got my cheek insted.....I can play dirty too. I had just gotten off work and wasn't wearing any of my man catchin' gear. So I was at a disadvantage. Hair pulled into a tight pony tail, conservitive clothing and no perfume (due to student allergies). My make-up worse for the wear from wrestling with an autistic kid who had a ruler and was hitting himself with it. Nice. I was going to have to use my witty charm, sense of humor and conversation skills as well as my underlying sex appeal, I was screwed, I have non of those, I have big chi chi's and green eyes. When I denyed his mouth kiss, his body stiffened and he looked away. So I put my hand on his sholder and he looked at me and I gave him enough smile so he knew I was interested but not how much. He took an intake of breath and started to talk to me. He said he missed me and thought about me everyday (okay, so did I, but can't tell HIM that) He said he would promise to give me a kitchen dance to no music everyday if I would see him again or be his girlfriend. (we kitchen danced all the time) He said that now that he is employed he would feel like he could take care of me (really don't need that from a man, I need someone to take out my trash and reach things on the top shelf, the rest I can handle) He said that he felt worthy of my company now that he works for U.P.S. Apparently I give out a vibe that says take care of me and I'm better than you. Figures. I told him Iwould think about it. Then I dropped him off at home. I know it sounds kinda harsh after he pretty much poured his heart out, but honestly, Not only do I need to think about it, but I kinda wanna make him suffer and squirm a bit. I'm sure thats one of the many reasons I am single I am quite vengeful. So I went home and got ready to go to a movie with my friends, the whole time I was getting ready I thought about it. I did like him a lot, more than anyone I have dated since my ex Johnny who I lived with for 3 years. I do still have feelings for nate. Should I dare try again? Natalia will be ticked off if me and nate see eachother again and I can't hide the fact from her, she's pretty much my sister, no one other than Karen knows me the way she does. She will know somethings up if I don't tell her. I waited till sunday to inform Natalia that I wanted to try dating Nate again. I picked a public place, the grocery store, lots of people so she can't yell, next to the marsh mellows so if she threw things at me I wouldn't feel pain. It's funny to watch a brazllian turn diffrent shades of red and pink, it's amazing to watch a latin woman try to control her anger and it's scary as heck when you know the skinny ball of south american frustration can out run you while holding a 3 foot long loaf of hard french bread and 3 bottles of wine....guess I didn't take that into consideration. I booked it down the isle passing the chocolate chips and grabbing a few packs and throwing it at her feet to trip her up plus I know she has p.m.s so I thought the chocolate would distract her, no such luck. I turned the corner and tried to fake her out by pretending to throw a jar of pickles at her, she didn't flinch, she kept comming like one of thoose ethiopian track stars. I turned another corner and looked behind me, she was gone, I had lost her! I walked down the isle trying to catch my breath cuz I'm a fat smoker, this isn't easy. Just as I'm about to take a puff of my inhailer french bread smacks me in the back of my head, the sneeky *%#$% got me from behind and knocked my inhailer out of my hand. She backed me into the the dole canned goods, the last thing I was gonna see before I died was canned creamed corn and peas! Then at the zero hour when I thought It was all over the song changed over the loud speeker and it was the cure's friday I'm in love, her favorite song. She freeked out that her favorite song was playing in not a trendy store but the grocery store....that means she's old. few things signafy the death of your youth but the worst is hearing your favorite song, transformed into musack while your picking out a soft cheese or fussing over lettuce heads. She was broken and i was saved. I ended up hugging her and reminding her that i was older and it helped a little. She told me that if I was going to see nate that she would be okay with it, as long as I knew what I was getting into. I told her thank you but I never know what I am getting into, thats why I was givin the nick name Pandora years ago. We bought the broken loaf of bread, yet another sign of our wanning youth sice we would have got a new one and not felt guilty if we were younger. We went to her house and grandma made us pesto and oddly enough never asked why the french bread had hair on it and was broken. Apparently bread and violence are common place in the house hold. I got home later that night, washed the crumbs from my hair and went to bed, only to be awoken by a text from david (the algerian) It said, "Hello baby I miss you, when can I see you?" I turned my phone off and rolled over. I have had enough. I juggle and juggle men, refuse to commit, run away when things get serious then pout and cry when I'm not the one who breaks it off. I'm a flipping mess, and I know it. Why they keep dating me I willnever know. But I have to admit, I am having the time of my life.

going mad crazy!