more wedding crap

We have started ordering items for the wedding. I went through oriental trading company for a lot of stuff. They seem to have nice things for a price we can afford. So far we have the grooms gifts and bridesmaid's gifts, flower girl and ring kid gifts, garders and treat bags. I also went out and got the veil thingy, which I kind of don't understand the point of since Rob and I live together so he has already seen my face. But apparently since my dress is strapless, dad wants a veil to cover my tattoos. You can still see them through the veil, so again, I am not too sure why this was so flippin' important. We have the invites, we just haven't printed them out. I got my shoes, they are $10.00 white ballet slippers so I am not towering over Rob. He is already a bit shorter than I am.
The list of stuff we need is still really long though. We still need a cake, flowers and center pieces (I hear these are extremely important..for some reason)as well as brides maid dresses and grooms and grooms men's suits. the list is endless. I am glad we started planning now, since a picture person runs about 2 grand alone. *sigh* I am not sure why things are so expensive when it's just for a day. It seems starting out your marriage in debt up to your eyeballs is the norm, but I have a mortgage to pay and Rob needs braces. It's pretty funny to see all the wedding magazines where the couple have this huge lavish wedding that costs tons of money and they are younger than Rob and I. I wonder what they do for a living and how much debt they are in. Maybe I needed to pick a higher paying job that was less fulfilling, instead of going for a job that made me feel like I made a difference in a kid's life.
I don't like planning big events like this, I don't know how to organize stuff like this. A coordinater costs more money, but maybe worth it to get the pressure off. I have a year to stress out about everything. The worst part is I have no one to blame but myself, it all started when I fell in love with a dress, and I had to build a wedding to match it. If I stayed out of the dress store, I would still be getting married in my parents back yard or a nice normal small stress free court house. Here's the kicker, I don't even remember what the stupid dress looks like! I haven't seen it for 2 months! We ordered it and I am sure it is being made somewhere in a sweat shop in China by tiny children who only get paid $.8 a day! I can't even recall the beading or the shape of it. I just know it's strapless and has some green on it. For the love of all that is Holy!!!!!! I have dug myself in way too deep to turn back now. The parents were kind enough to pay for the wedding venue and mom got her fancy dress already and she LOVES it! She looks amazing in it!
Just think, it's going to be a whole year of posts like this. Me freaking out and second guessing ever move I make. It's like year long torture. Poor Rob. Poor poor unknowing Rob. I have hid my crazy from him for over a year already, it's getting harder and harder to pass off my mental break downs as p.m.s. At some point he will look at the wall calendar and figure out I am just slowly going bat crap crazy.
So thank you for reading my post and letting me vent. Keep up with my page to watch me spiral down into bridzilla like tantrums. That way the asylum had documentation of why I have to be in a padded room in a "hug me jacket". Maybe they have a whole room full of brides, I should suggest it when I get there.