S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y NIGHT!

Decided on a girls night out with my co-workers. Saturday at the MoJo lounge. I had never been there although have heard a lot about it. It's actuually local. I tend to stay away from local hot spots, the chances of running into an ex that I ticked off, stole something from and or threw something at are far greater the closer I stay to the house. However I took the chance and didn't regret it. Karen actually came out cuz she was Ashley free this weekend, so that was fun. I picked her up and we met our co-workers who were already at the bar. They had a live band and the lead singer looked like jerry garcia and his band members looked like they were from zz top, so that was interesting. I gotta be honest, I think I'm getting old cuz I really just wanted them to turn the music down a bit. We couldn't even talk it was so loud. But People were dancing and it was a good band, they played old green day so that was a plus. The crowd was older and so pickins were pretty slim for men, but I wasn't man hunting for a change. All my friends are hot, I have blogged about this before, but it's still a source of annoyance to me sometimes. I don't need to be center of attention but a girl likes to be asked to dance once in a while, even if I turn them down cuz I can't dance. All the girls got asked to dance but me. Even the married girls. LOL. I wasn't exactly crushed, but I wasn't thrilled. I liked seeing Karen actually get to dance so that was fun. I was pretty bummed when all the girls ended up getting roses from guys and guys asking for their numbers and I left empty handed. I felt like an ugly duckling to be truthful. When the bar closed and we were walking to my car, cuz I had a few girls to drive home Karen was walking behind me cracking up and pointing to my butt. I freeked out thinking I sat in something, but Karen said "I know why you didnt get asked to dance now." and I looked behind me and saw that my folding blade had come unfolded and worked it's way through my back pocket slicing a hole big enough to show my knife through so in essance I had a five inch blade jutting out of my hind quarters. Karen also added that since I put my key chain in my back pocket that it dangled out as well and my mace was clearly in sight as was the key chain lanyard that said bad boys jail bonds. Apparently all my concealed wepons wernt so consealed. I was a walking time bomb waiting to shank and mace the first man to try to talk to me. I thought it was odd that when we entered the bar that the bouncer asked for my i.d. when the door guy had already checked it. I always use my millitary i.d. because if I loose it I can still drive so I don't care but I can't loose my d.l. The bouncer checked my millitary i.d. and said "well that explains why your armed." and ushered me in. when he said I was armed I figured he was refering to my tattoos or even the fact that Karen and angela were with me like an army or something. I had no idea that I was walking around with my arsonal of wepons on display. I might as well have hung a live gernade from my necklace. Nice.

So after I drove a few of the girls home, Karen and Angela and I decided we needed to eat at WHERE? say it with me DENNYS! The best part about having hot friend is you get seated right away. We ended up in a booth behind a couple who was having one heck of a fight. Man the things theese people were saying was awful. It sounded like they were breaking up and totally going to duke it out. Angela and I were ear hustling (ear hustling: ease dropping on a conversation that is clearly headed for jerry springer perportions.) just when the fight was about to turn super bad the girl stood up and since she was behind me I couldn't tell what she was doing and I didn't wanna look back and have to admit that I was aprivy to her public break up. I wanted to save her he embarrasment of eye contact so I stared streightforward at Karen who began to beg me not to hurt anyone ot stab anyone or mace anyone and to keep my cool. Apparently this chick looked prettd peevey and she was staring right at me and Karen didn't want me to mace her cuz she was lookin for a fight. Then this girl squeels and says Alison?! and I look at her and it was my bestfriend from seventh grade Julie Conklin. Julie Conklin and the biggest fakest pair of hooters I had ever seen in my life! Her knockers were falling out of her flimsy tank top. She was asking a lot of that tiny tank top, it was begging to snap so it could end its painful and stressful exsistance. My jaw dropped and I relly tried to look her in the eye, but I was scared to take my eyes off her chest incase a rouge boob was to pop out and blacken my eyes! I looked at Karen who was concealing a smile behind a paper napkin. Angela had more class, she turned her head away at the potential desplay of man made mameries. But she was holding her laughter so hard she was silently crying. Now Lets be honest here, I do NOT suffer from boob envy. I never have. I have been saddled with a heafty set of my own. granted they arnt in the place they should be anymore, but I have never relly thought about them much cuz they are more of a burden unless I'm in my man catching gear, then they are mearly bait. Julie of corse decided that insted of leaving her boyfriend crying at Dennys we were gonna catch up. I hadn't seen her in 2 years and that must have been about 8 cup sizes before her augmentation. She apologized for fighing so publicly with her man and then introduced him as the love of her life and then flashed a huge engagement ring at us. "wow" I say. It's 4 a.m. and I am just pooped and thats all I can say is wow. I know I'm shakespere. Anyway she says that she's marrying him cuz he bought her boobs. I nod my head and say "thats a good deal." we talked some more and then they left the boyfriend left too. The rest of out late night dinner was made so much better because we ran into Julie........and her giant plastic cleavage. I wonder how she fits behind a steering wheel was the last words spoken by Karen as I dropped her off. yeah I wonder.