Engrish 101 thats right Engrish

Okay, I know that I have spent years with the japanese people and enjoyed their company, but I happened accross a wounderful web site that reminded me why, every once in a while I wanted to pee my pants laughing at my friends and their clothing and other things I would see in stores. This wonderful web site is called engrish.com. I happen to have saves a few of my favorite pictures to share with you. Keep in mind theese photos were all taken in Japan. Enjoy.

must be a realy good pizza if it makes your anxiety vanish, toppings include quayludes.

proof that jesus shaves?

well if you insist....wash my car!

hummm ethnic banana hammicks? This might work.

thank goodness they explain it so clearly, I took the batteries right outta my mouth!

OH Mommy! I want a deep sea hooker for christmas! please please! I'll play with it everyday!

what do I have to do to make elmo sing? oh thats right...give me about an hour and I'll be back.

Just frowwering orders, sir!

great now we have to find a duilding inspector!

so let me get this right, I tell the baby to get mushrooms for happiness.....hummm alright.

I don't know if I want a crap shooting monkey, I just showered.

in all fairness she is warning people.

hey! get your finger outta there!

hou ever often you need it too, or every 10 min or so.

okay I'm beat hope you guys liked theese, I have more of course. if you don't wanna chck the web site.:)

Another one bites the dust.......

Ahhhhh summer romance......it's done. I guess now it's fall so Nate has flown away for the winter I presume, or someone who is actually his age. It all Happened last wednesday before Ashley's 6th birthday party. I picked him up after i was done working both jobs to get Ashley's b-day gift that was at my house. I went upstairs to change and I came downstairs and he was extreemly quiet. I asked him whats up? And he said he wasn't sure about the whole relationship thing, he said I'm not ready for a family and all that. Hummm I don't recall asking him to marry me nor was i carrying his child so I was a bit confused to say the least. I told him duhhh your 12 why would you be? (maybe not the nicest of answers, but I just got home from 2 jobs, I ran outta nice around 1:15 and it was 3:00.) He said he still wanted to go to Ashley's birthday party because he promised me he would. Now honestly. why would I want to let Nate and Ashley get closer and faking like we are some happy couple when he is already showing signs of bailing on me? Durrr, naw I told him, I'll just take you home. He said he was sorry he had cold feet about us, I reminded him it was him and not I who wanted the whole commitmit thing and he had to pretty much trick me into it before I caught on. I also reminded him I had never asked for marragige and family (eww really, already been married wasn't so great.) The whole family thing was odd as well considering no one was knocked up at least I hope he wasn't I wouldn't know what to do with that besides stand by and collect money after I sold him to the freak show carnival. But I told him I didn't ask him for kids, I planned to do it the old fashioned way, and save money and buy them from poor countries that only speek in clicks and don't care that I am poor and live in the hood. I haven't heard from him since.....go figure. yeah I'm a bit sad, he was HOT and a little on the dumb side so fun to mess with, kinda like a marine. I also thought it would last a bit longer since our families had met and got along. And lets face it I adored being the envey of every 20 yearold to 50 yearold when we went out and about. I could stare at him all day and drool.....hummm maybe that was the issue. Anyway apparently the relationship has run it course, of course I thought that before about him and ended up bringing another date with me to a fuction he was at and he caused a secne trying to get me to date him again, so maybe I need another poor chump to hang out with in Nate's presence to get him back. ehhh, whatever. Too bad though, I was getting used to and actually enjoying having a boyfriend of sorts for a change. It didn't bother me to hold his hand in public or anything. Maybe I'm just pissy cuz it was him who broke it off when usually it's me running for the hills at the thought of a commitment. Who knows. Anyway I have been in a slight funk about it so thats why I haven't posted in a while. sorry my bad, when I am in a foul mood I like to roll around in my greif and wallow in self pity. at least he waited a few days after my birthday that was decent of him. Anyway on a happier note, Natalia made it back from south america. I spent saturday looking at pictures and getting some amazing gifts from her and her mom. 2 silver rings with roses on them, Tre sheek. She had major jet lag, But I did notice that in every picture she showed me, her black prada purse was in the background. Now thats a woman who knows what inportant. LOL

Birthday fun

Honestly I hate that my birthday is in september. The weather is usually hot and annoying, school just started and we dont get paid till october so we get no paycheck in september so I am always broke. But this year even though I was broke my birthday was on a friday, so that was so exciting. I planned on babysitting ashley since Karen and her husband were going out and honestly, I had no money to spend a night out anyway and I figured that maybe it would be fun to see how Nate reacted to a 5 year old who talks excesivly. Karen also brought over her pet squril for us to babysit so there was the added bonus of a rodent in my house that the lizards couldn't eat. The day started off great. I went to work and got some cute gifts from the kids, mostly tinkerbell stuff because she's my fave. We had a pizza party for my birthday as well with the kids and that was fun. the weather wasn't bad so that was nice. I Picked nate up after work and we went to my house and I took a shower and got ready to go out to dinner with him and his mom (love that she came along it was fun) Karen had dropped ashley off at my parents house so we could pick her up later. I got ready and Nate and I went back to his house to get his mom and we went to red lobster, I had snow crab and he had shrip and oysters (ewww like sucking snot outta a shell, I'm so not doing that) his mom ate a salad she's on jenny creig (i don't like that jenny chick) anyway after we ate Nate and I went to my parents house for cake and gifts. They got me books! I love books. Then we strapped ashley into the car seat and went to my place. I let her watch peter pan, we read 3 books, she got in her jammies, said her prayers, and brushed her teeth. She fell asleep in mere seconds......This parenting things such a breeze. squril is tucked in with his crackers and cheerios and nate and I are watching a movie on the couch downstairs. All is right in the world. Kids asleep, rodents asleep and me and my hot guy are cuddling on the couch watching the romantic epic of blades of glory. Nate and I decide to turn in around 12:00 I'm beat, a whole day od work and then my party at school and then putting ashley down for the night and I was super tired. Nate and I pass out (me in jammies, him fully dressed above the sheets might I add because boys have cooties, remeber that Boo, cooties they are crawling with cooties...till your married.) I wake up at 9:00 to go pee and she is nowhere to be found. her bed is empty, and I hear Nothing from downstairs. I would like to say I panicked, but I figured if she was kidnapped, they would bring her back after she talked their ear off. So I went pee and went downstairs, I found her having a conversation with the squirl. she even did his voice back. It was kinda creepy. I figured she was one of those children of the corn kids and tried to slink back upstairs but she saw me and thought I was up. I put on a movie for her and gave her some birthday cake for breakfast....(hey, theres eggs in it) and told her that when the movies over to come wake us up. so I went back to bed. Nate was still asleep so I fell back asleep. about an hour later she runs into the room and jumps on the bed elbowing Nate in his wedding tackle. Now he's awake and silently crying. She's on a massive sugar high (wounder why?) and jumping on Nate who still haddn't recovered from the elbow drop to his naughty bits. As he's bent over in pain she jumps on his back for a "pigy back ride." He gives her a piggy back and thats how he woke up. He said he was fine but his voice did change to a higher tone. I got up and tossed her in the bath, only to discover she was covered in temporary tattoos. Oh well mine are real but her dora the explorer tattoo is not comming off. whatever. a little while later I have a naked wet 5 year old running around the house. Nate is beside himself because apparenlty naked little girls freek him out. so I have to dry her off, and dress her asap. then I feed her again.....this time no chocolate....goatcheese and crackers (hey theres milk in there) she eats that while watching some princess stuff. I make the coffee. Nate is sugar no cream, mine is sugar and cream and ashley likes hers with sugar cream and ice cubes (hey, theres ice in there to water it down) so now we have to get ready for my friends house warming party, thats where Karen will be picking ashley up from. so I shower and get ready, Nate tries to shower but ashley is tring to get into the bathroom. so he had to make it quick. Then it's lunch time so I feed her again, this time chicken nuggets, corn and mac and cheese. (haha i'm learning) and for desert a rum ball (just kidding) then we leave the house at 1:00 it took 3 hours for us to get going. I still needed a house warming gift, so we went to target. Nate gos to the video games, I go to the plant section and ashley wants to look at d.v.ds I figure she's in 1st grade I can leave her at the d.v.d's and I can go look at plants. I get out of her eyesight and she bursts into tears. So I had to hold her hand the whole time. then we almost make it out the door but she has to go potty. we go into the bathroom at target and she drops a bomb of massive perportions and takes her time doing it. 20 mins for her to make a doody! and she whistled the whole freekin time! Honestly I am already late now for this party. after she is done we head for the car, poor Nate has waited for ever. we head to my parents house to pick up the food we are suposed to bring and then get to the house warming. all my co-workers are there and the party is in full swing. I look haggared and like I had been though a cyclone. But we made it. and other than 3 of my co-workers mistaking Nate for a stripper (that did great things for my ego by the way) it was nice. Then all of a sudden there was a cheese cake with a candle in it and everyone was singing happy birthday to me. I was shocked! I had no idea it was a party for me. my co-workers set it up and no one told me anything. it was fun and super sweet, but I hate surprises. I was mad they got one over on me. But i had to let it go and enjoy it. so I did.

Me and Nate and Ashley....she HAD to be in the picture she said.

The 10 things that make me happy

I got tagged to do this list so here you guys go. LOL

The ten things that make the black sheep happy:

1. coffee

2. cigarettes

3. hot guys

4. goth music

5. vampires

6. books

7. people who actually use their turn signals

8. Tattoos

9. good weather

10. my family,friends and pets

have to add one more

11. shoes in large quanities

work, party, repeat........

Okay sorry I haven't posted. I think of a million things to say during the day but when I get home I get distracted by hot 23 year olds, america's next top model, heartburn, netflix and scrabble. so by the end of the day I have forgotten everything or lack the energy. But My number one distraction's mommy just picked him up because he has a dentist appointment tomorrow. I say that like I still don't depend on my mommy to make my dentist appointments. Hahaha.

So school started (work) it's been interesting to say the least. 10 of the kids are the same kids from last year but the 2 new ones are pretty challenging. Both boys, both autistic. One is obsessed with acting like a puppy and crawls around on the floor barking. annoying yet oh so amusing at the same time. He gets into violent rages and destroys the classroom often pulling shelving down and all the equipment on them, costing fremont unified school district thousands of dollars on replacing items that were special orderd to meet the various needs of each kid and their disability. The other kid is pretty quiet and much less destructive but came with his own tweeks and twitches. He is a nibbler, I mean it takes him 45 mins just to eat 1/2 an oreo! Drives us all insane. he follows his pointy finger as well. he walks with it outward and stares at it. where it gos he gos in the same direction. But when he is speeking he writes in the air with his pointy finger. I am currerntly debating on getting my tubes tied. They are already driving me batty. Maybe it's because i had a whole month of not dealing with them and I need to get back into the swing of things, but dang! But that a pretty mild day in all honesty, I always consider it a good day if I avoid the following body fluids: vomit, urine, poop, snot, drool and blood. So in essance today was a fine day.:)

So last saturday, our co-worker Natasha (tasha) had her 21st birthday party. Her parents let her have it at their house. So since Natalia is in South america My friend Angela (you may remember her from the m.c. hammer videos) and I went to the party together and met up with a few other co-workers to party. Angela is drop dead pretty as is Tasha and all my friends. Honestly I don't have any friends I would consider ugly. With that being said the party is crawling with 21 year old who all look like they steped off a runway in Milan. Even the guys looked like they were old navy and gap models. I felt like I had crawled out from under a rock! It was awful! Beautiful people everywhere and to top it off they were all nice! I wanted to bolt! to run to the first plastic sergon to get a tummy tuck, a boob lift and a butt inplant! I felt so out of place. so I only took a few pictures leaving the crowd of inposably breathtaking people out of the shots. My friends in th epics are still super hot, but I know them so I didn't feel unconfortable around them.

Angela, Kristen and Tasha the birthday girl.

Kristen, Me, Angela and Chelsa (yeah next to them I look like a hag! LOL)

Angela and me and my new phone in my cleavage.....Nice ehhhh?

And for news on Nate, there isn't anything new really. His mom has family dinner each sunday, apparently I am expected there as well. The foods good so thats cool. Nate's mother wants to take us out to dinner on friday because it's my birthday, I kinda forgot it was and agreed to babysit for karen overnight, so I guess my birthday will be a wild barbie princess tea party pony dreams hair styling night........again. Figures the first birthday on a friday I have had in eons and I will be haning out with a 5 year old....

But, she's cute and clearly...I am a sucker. So yet again I blow off another birthday and offers of fancy dinners and nights out at clubs and watching bands and my usual shananigins, for a quiet night of spoiling the daughter I never had with mac n cheese, ice cream and barbie movies while she brushes my hair till it has enough static in it to power my car. Oh well. Nate said he would come over and endure the invasion of pink princess crap with me so, maybe it wont be so bad. And I thought not shaving your legs was the best birth control....I think it maybe Ashley and her exsesive need to be the center of attention. We will see if Nate can handle it or not. I have a feeling it will be amusing at least. At least she's potty trained. Nate has an interview at U.P.S so cross your fingers for me, I do want a man who's employed for a change. LOL

Oh and isn't it so nice that Britt has joined us here? rock on Cuz! Miss you.

Love alison