Do you remember waking up at the butt crack of dawn on x-mas day soooo excited? I mean as soon as there was even a hint of light in the sky, your eyes popped open and you snuck out to the tree to peek? Then that annoying wait for your parents to wake the heck up so you can tear open the rock em sock em robots or the easy bake oven? That Looooong painfully tourturous wait as they woke up and slowly (so very slowly) got their robes and slippers on and HAD to have a cup of coffee (postum)? Then they slowly shuffled to the room with the flippin x-mas tree in it and then decided who went first to open gifts? Remember being so annoyed when you got practical gifts like socks, and underwear and the dreadded dress shoes that you knew just by the looks of them would eat at your heals and be unconfortable for the next hundred years because they are slightly too big so "you can grow into them."? Ahh thoose were the days. I remember my pink huffy bike, my glow in the dark globe and the doll house my dad built with his own two hands and my mom decorated herself. (it's in my closet awaiting the little girls I'm expected to produce..oops) I kinda miss those days. It seems that the older my parents get, the earlier they wake up. They were dressed and ready for gifts and waiting on me when I pulled into their drive way on x-mas. It's true, I was excited, for one I knew there was chocolate under that tree, my p.m.s radar located it a few days ago. X-mas was lean this year, I'm sure it was for us all. But since I'm not 7 years old and my easy bake oven has givin away to my easy microwave meals, it's not that big of a deal. Plus I just wanted to play scrabble with my parents like I do eveyday. LOL. When i walked in it smeled like lighter fluid, normaly I wouldn't ask questions, but it was also dark in the house. Having as many nut job ex boyfriends as I do I was on high alert for my parents being held hostage, dipped in flamabal liquid with an angry mexican holding a zippo near enough to them to make me agree to marry him so he can get a green card. But It was just a power outage. There went my theory. The power had been out since 8:00, I arrived around 10:00 and the hurrican lamp oil is what i was smelling. Why we have lamps for a hurricain, i'll never know but there they were shiney and stinky. Karen and Ashley were due to arrive for our x-mas lunch around 12:00 and mom was getting worried that she couldn't cook. I figured we would fake like we were jewish and have chineese food on x-mas, but no one was too hip to my idea. So we opend gifts in the dark, it's been cludy and rainy so the sun wasn't bright. We can still see what we got though. Dad got mom a new old lady robe (the robe that screams don't touch me, i'm crabby and cold) I got mom Wall-E and a new scrabble game called scrabble upwards that requires people with much higer i.q's than dad and I have to play (we gave up in the middle of the game and curled up and cried, mom however had no problem playing). Mom got dad the dreaded underwear and socks and I got him a belt and a movie...the crystal skull one. I got a lot of bath stuff (sniff arm pitts) and clothes. Books (yes!) and gift cards (always good) Dad's home teacher Von, came by with cookies, so that was our snack since we still had no power at 11:00. Mom decided that I needed to call Karen and let her know that food wasn't gonna happen and to just come by for gifts since we would be having to haul all the fixins to my place (gulp....so haven't clean house) or have some ally cat liver and tuna with the cats. I called Karen to let her know that we had no power due to the wind storm the night before and then the lights came on. I was so happy that dinner wouldn't be at my place. The last thing I wanted my mother to find is the tupperwear that still contained the green bean cassoral she sent home with me on thanksgiving still in my fridge covered in a healthy white fuzz sitting proudly in my fridge and nothing around it but root bear and taco bell sauce packets. I rarely have food, not cuz I'm that poor, but I'm not cooking a meal for just myself, when I can just make top raman or microwave dinners. Honestly whats the point? I consider myself well fed when I have cheezits and coffee. I mean I can survive on my my upper arm fat for months alone if need be. people think I'm fat.....what they don't know is I'm just prepared. When a disaters happens, it's the skinny people who will parrish first. Thats my theory at least. So mom managed to get dinner on the table in nothing flat. Karen and Ashley arrived and they opened their gifts and we opened the one they brought. Then we ate Ham and all the fixins. Then Karen and Ashley left to Karen's parents house for more festive food I'm sure. We watched Wall-E and then I packed up my haul of gifts and went to Natalia's house for wine and scattergories. Rodrigo finally decided to give me the c.d.'s I asked him to burn me seven years ago....yeah I am not kidding 7 years ago, I gave this guy a list of songs I wanted him to burn for me. Better late than never I guess. F.y.i Scattergories is an awsome game sober, but when your friends are three sheets to the wind it's flippin outstanding. Case in point I rolled the letter E one of the things that we were suposed to come up with was a holloween costume begining with the letter E.....The answer our friend elisa came up with was eagel. Really....need I say more, I think not. I got home at 3:00 a.m. I had to go through 4 soberity check points, I got 2 police offercers phone numbers (so wearing the tight black swearter again) and fell asleep dreaming of elisa dressed up as an eagel for halloween. Hope you guys had a great day as well. Love you all.
Karen and Ashley (a.k.a my fake wife and kid)
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