humiliation (noun)

Humiliation n. tomake (a person)suffer by lessening his dignity or self-esteem.
So Saturday night was a huge party my friends Brianna and her husband Dustin throw every fall. It's called Fallapolooza. Various friends of theese people, and there are hundreds, preform different songs with a live band made up of more friends. I have gone the last 4 years and enjoyed watching the show and sampling various libations they offer, but I have never preformed a song, although plans to sing Fergi's My humps dressed as a camel has been tossed around in my head for quite some time, I have yet to have enough gumption to actually do it. This year was no diffrent. I planned to be a spectator as usual along with Natalia, Rodrigo, Karen and our other friend Teresa. As per usual I was sober driver. I know my roll in my friendship circle: sober driver, killer of bugs, baby sitter to kids and drunks, vomit cleaner, purse holder, gum despenser,sholder to cry on and make-up artist. So I guess I'm the mom. Anyway you would think that since I was sober for the party I wouldn't make a compleast arse (thats brittish ya know) outta myself, yet I managed to discrace myself at the zero hour. Causing me to rush home after the night was over to franticly search the inter webs for a cheap ticket out of the country and a mad dash to locate my passport. In essence, i can only afford a grey hound bus to Fresno one way. Sadly Algeria was the second cheapest option, but being sold into white slavery isn't high on my lists of things to do, it 's actually a few numbers under give live birth to ax weilding midgets in a dark crouded elevator (I'm very detailed).
So heres the horrid story from start to finish, omiting any naughty language of course. I posted a pic a while back in here of guys I was seeing. One of thoose pics were of me and a guy name Jesse. I have had a crush on for 4 years (boys still have cooties boo). I see Jesse every year at Fallapolooza. He usually preforms and does all the video taping for the show as well. I have tried like mad to get his attention and phone number but failed each year for some reason or another. This was my year you guys, I had my good friends to back me up, I had an extreemly forgiving, yet revealing, yet classy black cocktail dress that made me look like Selma Hayak. A brand new pair of spanx (underwear that moves all your fat around to the right spot and flattens out the rest) and not a single pimple. I was good to go you guys, really. I even wore heels. By the time I was done profecting my famous cat eye with black liquid eyeliner (a tallent only few posses) I wanted to date myself! I had everything going for me. And despite the rain that makes my hair frizz into an afro, I still worked it. We got to the party with perfect timeing. I took off my jacket and lok around and spotted my prey...I mean Jesse. He was surrounded by all his primos (cousins) and Homies (thug friends) score! My night would not be a failure, I am a sucker for latin thugs. I never learn. Latin thugs love me as much as I adore them. All his friends were already workin' their way over to me. But no, I want Jesse. So Rodrigo is a gentlemen first and formost, so his first job being our brother is to get us drinks. so he heads to the bar so we can chck out guys. I'm already pulling chairs around to acomadate my large group of friends when Jesse's buddies start falling over themselves to help re-arrage the furniture for us. So I know Jesse has had to notice me. We place the chairs in the back (prime man scoping area) and settle in for our night of entertainment. Rigo returns with my ice tea and liquor for the others and the show begins. I'm not paying any attention to the stage, Jesse is behind us filming the whole thing as usual. Nice! Not only am I right in his eyeline, but since I am seated he can clearly see my ample cleavage. The whole night is great, I am sneeking peeks at him but don't notice if he's looking at me. I made Rigo sit far away from me so Jesse would know we wernt together. There is a breif intermission in the middle and me and rigo go outside for a smoke, it's raining so a bunch of us are crowded under the overhang and Jesse is amoug us. YES! But all of his friends were out there too....CRUD! They are all speeking spanish DOUBLE CRUD! But Rigo speeks spanish too, and interprates for me in a whisper SCORE! They are all trying to figure out if rigo and I are together (eww) Jesse's brother Louis comes over intoxicated as were they all, and starts telling me how hot I am...right words, WRONG brother! Louis is married and not cute. I barely get to say "hello Jesse." as the band starts up again and we all have to go back in. Jesse stops and says "you know my name?" "I see you evey year Jesse." I say. He smiles and walks inside. YES! he's thrilled that I know his name. The rest of the show is great and I don't even bother looking at Jesse or sneeking peeks at him, My cougar trap is set, he took the bait and I am well within my hunting rights to reel him in, skin him and make him mine. Karen looks at me and I give her the nod and she finds a ride home with another one of our friend conveantly leaving space in my car incase poor jesse needs a ride home, or wants to come hang out with my group after the show. Karen's my wing girl. Natalia usually scares men away cuz she's angry and bitter. The show ends and we are back outside smoking again. Jesse is there and we talk. It's a great conversation, we got politics outta the way, hes a democrate (whew!) and hes 23 (just my style) and loves Rocky horror Picture show! I have never met a mexican thug who has everything I wanted. Now I have and, he HAS to be mine. We are ready to leave the party but I haven't got his number yet so I lag a bit and say that I have to go back in to tell Brianna and Dustin bye and thank you...after all they threw this party. I see Dustin first, not that hard he has pink hair. He sees me and knows of my fasination with Jesse. We cross the room and meet in the middle and he asks how things were going with me and Jesse. I poor out my heart to Dustin and squeel with delight as I tell him I have been talking to him and having a great time. then I proceed to tell him in detail of how I want to have his kids and do unimaginable things to him yada yada yada......and then I look to the left and we are holding this conversation ringt in front of the VIDEO CAMERA! mere inches away from it!!!!!!!!! I screem at Dustin to see if it's on...of course it is. My mind gos blank and Dustin doesn't know how to work the camera because it's not his camrea it's JESSE"S CAMERA!!!!! I even said my phone number while I was talking to Dustin so thats on film as well........I run from the room, out the door whre Natalia and Jesse are having some sort of discussion in spanish about me and I grab her and say we gotta go. I give Jesse a quick hug and bail out. As I show all my drunken friends into my car, Natalia is telling me that Jesse said he didn't want to date any one anymore till he gets his school finished but at this point I don't even care. I just want to squeel my tires and get outta the country. We end up at a local bar so Rigo can play some dumb punching bad video game and I am sitting at a table banging my head into it. several men come over to try to consol me and natalia scares them off (she does come in handy at times) and I tell them what I did. I get no pats on the back or rubs on my back, all I get is gapeing mouths and the loudest laughter I have ever heard. I am so glad that my social humiliation amuses them so much. But I needed someone to make me feel better not worse, so I call Karen at 2 a.m. and she calms me down and says: "is it on utube yet?" Thanks karen. Sunday I wake up and scream into my pillow for a 1/2 hour before I can face the day. I drag myself to my parents house and they are wanting to know what happend at the party and if I got pictures.......I tell mom everything and am met with silence, a deep inhale and a purse of her lips and then she puts her arms around me (oh yeah heres the condolence I need) and then she says: "Sometimes, I'm so glad that we don't have the same last name anymore." And walks away. Now thats love. So I call Brianna the friend who throws the party and plead my case. She has NO IDEA where the video tape is, unless Jesse and his brother still have it. GREAT! So with My story being told and you guys having read it, if you happen to have a spare room I can rent and don't mind lizards can I pretty please move in.....I don't think I'm allowed to be in public any more. There may be a potition going around to kick me outta the state. I think my mom may have signed it. *hangs head* How do I screw it up in less than 5 mins? It must be a record.